If I Were a Dog, I'd Join the Navy

Greetings, fans! This is my glamour shot for the Old Navy "Search for Magic" competition, in which the people at my FAVORITE store in the WHOLE WORLD other than Petsmart are looking for a new mascot. I honestly think this is my big shot at freedom, so keep your paws crossed. Betty White from the Golden Girls, Kristin Chenoweth from "RV," and some other people will be selecting the five finalists, who will then be voted on by the American public. When I saw Kristin Chenoweth's name up there, I was a little worried because I thought there might be a chance that Robin Williams would be involved somehow since they were in "RV" together. Robin Williams hurts my highly developed sense of hearing with his tired homeboy impression and offends my keen sense of smell with the accumulated stench of his body of work. But then I remembered that Kristin Chenoweth seems pretty nice and is very talented despite the fact that she was in "RV," so I don't think she would do that to me. And I bet Betty White wouldn't tolerate any special guest appearances by Williams. Betty White kicks ass. Do you think Kristin and Betty know Corbin Bernsen?
The grand prize winner (me) gets a trip to Los Angeles, some money for MY OWN PLACE, and a starring role in a holiday Old Navy ad! I'm hoping it will also feature Corbin Bernsen dressed up in a Scandinavian-style (Old Scandinavy!) sweater with a white deer pattern. Corbin will brush my luxurious spotted coat with a brush as we sit by the fire... Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself. I'll keep you posted.