Thursday, May 11, 2006

Screw Old Navy

So, I was fantasizing about my upcoming election to be the Old Navy spokesdog when I decided to do a little research on the original "Magic" spokesdog. It turns out that the original Magic is still alive, and "decided" to "retire" at age nine. To my horror, I realized that since I am nine, the ageist folks at Old Navy will likely reject my bid at stardom. I wonder if Magic really decided to retire or was forced to bow out due to our society's unhealthy perception of aging. It's true that there just aren't any good roles for dogs moving on to their golden years. Here I was hoping to be the Susan Sarandon or Lauren Hutton of the canine set, and it turns out that I am being culled from the available crop before I'm even allowed to compete. So, I am launching an alternative competition for the Old Navy mascot. In addition to so-called "senior" dogs, I will accept submissions from any member of the animal kingdom who figures out how to gain access to the blogosphere. Even cats will be accepted, as is shown by our first entrant into the "Screw Old Navy Alternative Mascot Competition."

"Hi! My name is Jimmy Fleshtone. I'm a hairless cat, or Canadian Sphynx. I am an indoor cat with pale skin, although I am looking into spray-on tanning options to make myself more presentable for a possible television appearance. I'd describe myself as a "Male Fashionista" since we Sphynx cats often have to wear a variety of sweaters to stay warm. I like to work out in order to keep my physique in tip-top shape and try to spend at least a couple of hours a day doing pull-ups and scratching exercises on my cat tree. Check out my guns! Is there a veternarian in the house, because my pythons are SICK! My best trick is impressing the hell out of the ladies."


wally said...

your blog rules. so do herding dog mixes. in other words, we collectively rule. i have enjoyed your musings on old navy and other important issues. i would like them to select a mutt since whenever a pure breed dog becomes popularized, people buy them in great quantitities and then tend to abandon them. Most famously this happened to damnations but most recently to Neapolitan Mastiffs after the Harry Potter movies. seriously, who would buy a 120+ pound dog on a whim? Bummer. But maybe a mutt would make people take a second look at us mutts. Mutts rule! I hope it's not one of those jackass designer dogs (which are really overpriced mutts. not that we're not priceless).
anyway, keep bloggin' my friend!

Sid the Dog said...

I agree with your concern regarding designer dogs. Overbreeding is bad for everyone involved, although it seems like some humans won't be happy until their dogs resemble members of the Hapsburg Family. I am a huge fan of Temple Grandin's latest book, and I especially enjoyed the discussion of how the overbred, needle-nosed appearance of collies has resulted in a tiny brainpan. Our friends have taken in several rescue Saint Bernards, and while I found their manner to be atrocious and impossible to deal with personally, I understood that it their horrible first owners were to blame. Anyway, here's to our mixed heritage, and may the herding breeds usher in a new age of prosperity! Keep bloggin' yourself, and may this new democratic medium allow our virtual pack to roam free over the untamed wilderness of cyberspace (sorry, I've been in a poetic mood lately).

Sid the Dog said...

Oh God. My first typo... In the last comment... So embarrassed. "I understood that their first horrible owners were to blame." There.

Anonymous said...

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