Tuesday, January 22, 2008

The Return of B

Well, it's been another long week here at the Heelersphere. B returned from his long trip to Europe and a stretch of 58 hours with only 5 hours of sleep only to find a new dog who was less than tolerant of his presence. Rocky greeted his new Great Oppressor with a combination of growls and barks, calming down only when B retreated to the bedroom and slept for 15 hours straight.

When he emerged from hibernation, I rather enjoyed some time spent with B on the couch doing some light reading. Normally I would replace B's visage with the head of George Clooney to protect his anonymity and give me something dreamy to look at, but J no longer has Photoshop on her computer so I'm breaking protocol here.

Since Friday, we have been slowly cracking Rocky's shell of fear. When J leaves, Rocky no longer barks at B for long stretches of time. Rocky allows B to lead him on walks, will take food from B's hand, and even allows the odd pet before he forgets that he is terrified of him. He still growls when Ben emerges from the basement, but hey, who doesn't?

B also went on a cleaning spree, which was much appreciated by all other Heelersphere residents. It is nice to see his jet lag dissipate along with Rocky's fear. Otherwise, not much to report here. Nothing to see here, people. Nothing to see...

Monday, January 14, 2008

Vive le Weekend

Well, still a little tired from this weekend of milestones. Not only was it a busy weekend for the world of the Great Oppressors (Golden Globes press conference! Dread Dallas Cowboys defeated! Cowboy approach to foreign policy on the part of another Texan continues!), but we were busy here in the Heelersphere as well. Observe...

J, Rocky, and I went to the dog park just outside of Golden for some socialization time. There were some nice dogs here, and we all enjoyed chasing Rocky around the compound. J met some nice fellow Great Oppressors as well, although she could have done without the snooty woman who bred Jack Russells and said something to the effect of "well, he [Rocky] seems like a good dog for a rescue dog." You know, I'm a bitch but that doesn't mean I appreciate listening to the two-legged ones, particularly when they're elitists.

At any rate, Rocky is slowly getting used to the idea of two-legged males. He sat next to this guy for a couple of minutes, although he still wasn't entirely sure if this was a good idea or not.

It was a busy weekend for J as well. Some of her friends came over on Sunday to train for some event called "Geek Bowl," a local trivia event with a cash prize. It was really just an excuse to inflict two indignities on Rocky and me.
1. Squawkers McCaw.

Squawkers, pictured here, is an animatronic parrot that speaks, blinks its eyes, snores, flaps its wings, etc. Utterly creepy. It is trainable, so the Great Oppressors have trained it to speak Samuel L. Jackson sound clips from the Internet. Sometimes I wonder why we dogs have chosen to hitch our wagon to their star.

2. Deep Blue Sea. There was a viewing of this "film" in our basement shortly after the geek study period ended. I won't try to explain how bad it is for the benefit of those who have thus far avoided it. I'll just include the pivotal moment in the film here to illustrate my point.

A shark ate me!

Readers (or reader...), I fear what J has in store for next weekend. B needs to come home soon!

Friday, January 11, 2008

Strange Things Are Afoot

Relationships are a great deal of work. What with all the demands on our time and energies, it's a wonder anyone bothers at all. Take Rocky and myself, for instance. J has stepped up our exercise routine considerably, and we've been getting two hours of walking in each day. This is great and all, but I'll admit that I seem to tire a bit more easily than I used to. I was so exhausted from the walks that I didn't even notice this boot underneath my head until several embarrassing shots were taken. In fact, I'm so tired that I can't really think of much to write about. However, I would like to post some more photos of Rocky for the benefit of my relatives so I'll just have to put these up without much commentary.

Some face time on the couch... What would Freud say?

Come to think of it, what would Freud say about the crossed legs? Rocky does this all the time. I think it makes him look distinguished.

He looks so peaceful... Little does Rocky know that B will return soon. I hope we can get him used to human males before that, since I imagine it would be hard for J to convince Ben to sleep in the treehouse since it's been so snowy and cold in Colorado.

Monday, January 07, 2008

Love Shack

It's been a busy couple of days here at Chez Heeler. I have been busy breaking in my new gentleman caller, Rocky, and instructing him in the ways of the world. He has much to learn, but we have been enjoying each other's company. That salt and pepper coat... Those brown eyes... That intelligence... Dare I make a comparison here?

Aren't they both lovely? Despite all that is wrong with the world, one has only to look at either face to see that there is hope left for dog and humankind. It does seem like Rocky is becoming more hopeful and less anxious about life, although J and I discovered on Sunday that Rocky fears men and growls at them. Most of the literature points to a lack of socialization and not abuse at the hands of a male, but J suspects that he was forced to watch Huckabee campaign ads or sees the face of Scalia, Thomas, Roberts, and/or Alito superimposed on the heads of the human men he encounters. If only it were the face of his human doppelganger, George Clooney! Then Rocky would surely be more trusting... Since B is in Europe for two more weeks I hope to help J in her quest to show him that not all men are bad or misguided or strict constructionists. He's not aggressive, just a bit fearful so we are hopeful things will turn around. Paws crossed, because we think he's great.

Some shots from the weekend...

In order to please me, he must learn to please himself...

Isn't he photogenic in this next one? I can never smile for pictures, myself. Maybe he's just pleased about his accomplishments in the previous photo.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Mrs. Robinson

Well, the holidays kind of slipped away from me again. Here it is, 2008 already! This is my 11th year of brightening up the world with my awesomeness, and I have to say it's off to an excellent start thus far. Now that B and J have finally seen the light and purchased a yard and home befitting my lifestyle, it has been possible for me to finally entertain some gentleman callers. Yes, it's time for me to settle down with one man. Enough of this carefree bachelorette lifestyle for me... Yes... 11... It's time.

So, B and J hooked me up with this great dating service called New Hope Cattle Dogs. They're pretty much the bomb, I have to say. The New Hope people, that is. These guys even deliver and shuttle the dates to my house! Most of the dogs come from pretty bad situations, but I find that an intricate past deepens a man and makes him more fascinating. Observe...

This is my first date, Rusty. Rusty and I got along really well when his foster parents were around. Rusty came from Utah and was apparently kicked in the head by a cow. Chicks dig scars, I told him... The people in Utah not only failed to claim Rusty when he was found with a large gash in his head, but they'd already docked his tail! Barbarians!

Rusty and I hit it off, although he has gotten really attached to his foster parents and got pretty upset when they left for a while to pick up a puppy. I'll admit that the sexual tension in the air deflated a bit at this point in the date... He did a lot of pacing and waiting by the window.

While Rusty was very nice (and funny, too. He peed on J's leg! I love a man with a sense of humor), Rusty's foster parents took him home at the end of the date and suggested that I try out some younger men. You see, though I am 11 and just had ACL surgery in October, I am not showing many signs of slowing down thus far. The knowledge that Rusty will still be well taken care of even if he doesn't come to reside here comforted us, so we all agreed to "play the field," so to speak. Today, enter Rocky...

Stunning, isn't he? I mean, I knew there were some nice-looking dogs on the website but I wasn't expecting man candy for this old cougar! He's only 1 year old! Isn't that absolutely SCANDALOUS!!! Tee hee... It was a pretty awesome first date. Rocky's very nice foster mom took him to our house and we hung out for a little while and exchanged pleasantries. Then I found out that he gets to sleep over for a while! J took us for a walk later on and that went well. Then things really started heating up later on.

The new man of the house reclining in his new chair... Looks a little like me in black and white in this shot...

Koo-koo-ka-choo, Mrs. Robinson. Now we have a 3-week trial period to see if this is the right fit, after which Rocky may just stay with us forever. I love Internet dating!