Monday, October 09, 2006

A Breed Apart

I just returned from a trip to Idaho. It was a good trip overall. I visited J's family, my alma mater, and hung out in Boise which I always enjoy. The downside was two 13 hour car rides across Wyoming. I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't like I-80 in Wyoming even if it was paved in bacon instead of concrete and asphalt.

I spent most of the trip home thinking about the many breeds that compose old Canis Familiaris and the strange ways the Homo Sapiens relate to them. My opinion is that the best breed out there is no breed at all. This isn't meant as a slight to my purebred friends out there in cyberspace. This is more of a general comment about those sorts of Great Oppressors who go beyond basic affection for a particular breed and insist on the superiority of one type of dog over the other, effectively reducing the rest of us dogs to some sort of inferior class. I'm proud of my mostly Austrailian heritage, but I don't like how some Homo Sapiens fetishize dog breeds. For example, B and J were walking with me in Boise on Saturday and a guy came up to J and wanted to know what breed I am. He was quite insistent, and while I was flattered, I got the distinct impression that he wanted to find out so that he could procure a dog just like me. In fact, he seemed a bit disappointed when J informed him that I was a shelter dog. This has happened to me before and to be honest, it was a little creepy.

I spent most of the rest of the trip dreaming up names for nonexistent breeds for the next time this happens to me. That way when some creepy person asks B or J what breed I am they can say "Oh she's an Austrian Schnitzel Hound" and when that person starts looking for an Austrian Schnitzel Hound hopefully they will see the folly of their ways or at least feel silly.

So here are some fake breeds that I might be:
*Iraqi Marsh Hound
*Tierra Del Fuegan Penguin Retriever
*Arabian Water Spaniel
*Canadian Touque Retriever
*Indochina Curry Hound
*Lindbergh Terrier
*Mexican Staring Dog

So, my dog friends... help me out with some more fake dog breeds.

8 comments:

superstar said...

life just a good

wally said...

sid,

i could not agree more. sometimes my mawma yanks peoples' chain by telling them i am a teacup newfie, a very expensive miniaturizing newfoundland. or last weekend she explained to the owner of a pair of very expensive puggles that i too was a designer dog, the corgador. purchased only from the finest in dog purveyors, the pound.

some other breeds:

french surrender hounds (for viewers of fox news)
lowland cheesehound (i could be one of these)
japanese wasabi inus
the irish pub crawler
cardigan welsh regurgitator (i get called this sometimes for my, um, gurgitation habits)
swiss neutralizing terrier.

Anonymous said...

wizzin tick blue hound

softee coated ice cream pup

kittee lickin heeler

wire haired pig (my nic)

lab rat ador

dog breath puggle

weenie out schund

sorry I lost my concentration....

Bussie Kissies
Buster
the "short attention span ter"

Ayatollah Mugsy said...

"Iraqi marsh hound" sounds quite exotic. Some other options:

Mongolian Malamute
Xoloitzcuintli
Arctic monkey hound
Rhodesian baby retriever
Upland mole terrier
Dingo
Spotted hillcat

Connie said...

I once owned a sheltie cross that I procured from a shelter in Arizona. She didn't know english, only spanish. We called her a Mexican Tortilla Sniffing Hound. Her slave name was Kiko. She LOVED to eat garbage.

RIP Kiko!

Simon said...

Purgatory Soul Heeler
Norwegian Pale Terrior (it gets a sunburn in the winter)
Cocktriever (cocker retriever)
Latin Lover Labrador
Giveme Sheltie

Sid the Dog said...

You have all outdone yourselves! Maybe we should start selling bumper stickers.
I HEART MY TEACUP NEWFIE!!!
PROUD PARENT OF A RHODESIAN BABY RETRIEVER.
ASK ME ABOUT MY WIENIEOUTSCHUND!
LOVE ME, LOVE MY MEXICAN TORTILLA SNIFFING HOUND.
COCKTRIEVER RESCUE SOCIETY.
GOD LOVES MY TIERRA DEL FUEGAN PENGUIN RETRIEVER

Simon said...

Sid my dear, add those bumper stickers to your options at bedbugs. Big sales = crazy good treats.