Tuesday, September 26, 2006

I Heart the Government

This post comes from a nameless contact within the confines of a nameless state government. The following is an actual internal memo. I post it here to serve as a reminder that we dogs could certainly teach these Great Oppressors a thing or two.

"Hi Everyone -

Some concerns were raised that the new carpet in 112 was made partially of animal fur based on some box labeling. For those of you asking the question in our meeting the other day – I’m sorry I didn’t follow up on this right after our meeting. W---- got this information for me. I knew it but forgot it. Fortunately - this is a misunderstanding based on jumping to conclusions.

The good news is that the boxes of carpet tiles were labeled with the name of the carpet model and color - not the materials content.

The carpet model is 'house pet' and the color is hamster, however that is as close to animal as it gets. This product is made of polyester and nylon. And we chose the color because it matches spilled coffee, tea, and soda – not to mention field dirt - so well! Here is a link that takes you to the manufacturer’s site. If you have additional questions – let me know and I will check with PPAD – who graciously tracked down this product as a 'pollution prevention' approach to new carpeting."

Phew! I had heard of wool carpets, sweaters being knit out of the fur shed by beloved pets, and other forms of exploitive practices, but never anything like this. Needless to say, I was relieved to discover that no one out there is actually making carpet out of hamsters. I was also relieved to discover that in the world of human government, no subject is too laughable to be ruled out as a memo topic.


ThursdayNext said...

I am so thankful that you found my blog and in turn I just found yours. The subject matter is one dearest to my heart: pups! Thank you for visiting; I look forward to being a regular here.

Oh lord that photo makes me want to go out and get a hamster!

Anonymous said...

So, let me get this straight. They killed Poor little stuffed animals to make this carpet? Hamsters, what's next, Easter bunnys? Hello Kittys? Or no, don't tell me, teddy bears?

Or is it my fault? Everytime I destroy a bunny and the stuffins come out, do the empty bunnys end up at the carpet factory?

Oh woe is me

Sid the Dog said...

Thursdaynext: a big welcome to the Heeler! I must, however, urge you to resist the siren song of the hamster. Cute, but deadly! J had her finger mangled by one when she was but eight years old. Then the family cat slew the hamster a week later (hamster karma...), and when J's parents went to the pet store to replace the fingerbiter named "Hefty," they accidentally brought home one with a solitary eye. They sound like a rough crowd to me.

Buster: I hadn't thought of the stuffed animal connection, but I find it an intriguing possibility. More evidence of exploitation! But please don't beat yourself up about the ravaged stuffed animals. I don't think they sense pain, and as predators our instincts simply can't be ignored.

Tin Tin Blogdog said...

That hamster looks delicious.

Chow for now,

Tin Tin xo

Connie said...

If I don't sweep often enough, my wood floors turn into black/chocolate lab carpet. EEEEWWWW.